I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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