Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Shame is for Republicans.
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