My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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