My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
