honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
