There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
