I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
