bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
