My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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