Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
