What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
