My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
