apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
