you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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