entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
