My first STD was from a foam party
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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