After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
