She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
