i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How external is "for external use only"?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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