I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
