When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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