I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
