If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Are we still banned from the library?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
