Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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