Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
