i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
