Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
