so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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