I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
