A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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