found the other keg... it's in the tree
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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