we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
