Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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