i permit you to call me
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
