I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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