That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
