I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
