An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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