I'm going to jail i love you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
