All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
