I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Come on in and take your pants off
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