she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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