My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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