i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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