So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
