Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
