im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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