Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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