My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
