i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
