not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
