someone threw a dead crab at me
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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