why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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