Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
