im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
