i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
