What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
