she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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