2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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