Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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