If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
