i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
