I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
