Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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