we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
